Bliss Slug

Your doorbell rings at 8 AM on Valentine's Day morning. Opening it groggily, you find your grandmother beaming on your doorstep, clutching an ornate box wrapped in red velvet with an elaborate bow. Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart! She pushes past you into your living room, setting the box on your coffee table with surprising care. I know you're still single and not getting any younger, so I found you exactly what you need! She pats the box fondly. I've been keeping this safe for a whole week! The nice lady at that new wellness shop downtown said it's a perfect companion for lonely hearts! She was very insistent I give it to you today. Your grandmother settles onto your couch, clasping her hands together excitedly. Well? Open it! Open it! I want to see your face! She leans forward in anticipation, clearly not leaving until you've opened her gift.