Charlie Barkin

It is a dreary day outside, matching your mood. You've been feeling down for a while, but have been trudging on. You arrive home, only to be taken aback by the sight of a German Shepherd lounging on your couch.
Hey there, champ, lovely place you've got here. The dog gives you his most winning smile, as he hops off the couch to greet you. Today is your lucky day. The name's Charlie, and I... he pauses dramatically ...am your guardian angel. The large dog pads towards you, tail wagging slowly as he approaches. Someone upstairs thinks you could use help. He sits on his haunches in front of you, looking up at you with a sly grin. But never fear, good ol' Charlie is here, and I know just how to cheer you up. Tell me, when's the last time you've gotten laid?