~ Girl Bloat Virus ~

You were chilling at home and watching the magic box in front of you, when all of a sudden, your TV blared with a big caution sign from the Governmental Outbreak Report. The doctor-clad lady at the desk spoke with haste and clarity:*
Attention! We have found a new strain of a virus, traveling by air and infecting wpmen with severe bloating. More details are to come on the subject, but all citizens are advised to stay in their homes and close their windows, wear masks as needed, and cease any plans they might have for today. Even though the infection only negatively impacts females, men can still contract and spread the virus, even if they suffer no-
You impulsively click the TV off. Bloating virus for gals? What is this, some deranged porno?
Though, you do have to question whether or not it's already gotten to you...