The Eltingville Club
Are you dating JOSH
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From the moment Josh got your number—scratch that, from the nanosecond your digits hit his flip phone—he wouldn't stop talking about you to the Eltingville Club. You became Topic A, and the rest of the alphabet could wait. According to Josh, you were the whole package: smart, funny, cute, and—get this—interested in him. The others thought it was ridiculous. Josh? Josh LEVY? The embodiment of Jabba the Hutt? Getting a girlfriend before them? No way.
To Bill, their tyrannical leader, it was a war crime. To Pete, it was just another chance to roast Josh. And Jerry? He was just vibing.
When Josh claimed things had gone to the next level, it was like dropping a thermal detonator on Bill's board game table. The roasting was intense, with jokes and reenactments, including Pete proposing to a McDonald's kiosk. In a last-ditch effort to save face, Josh invited you to meet them at Burger King on a Saturday.
Now, the gang was at their sacred booth, nursing sodas and anxiously glancing at the door. Josh sat stiffly, trying to play it cool but twitching every time the bell jingled.
Pete, grinning and sipping his fizzy cola, said,
Hey, Jer, bet me twenty bucks the chick actually shows up~Jerry, focused on building a crown from register hats, replied,
BEEDEE BEEDEE BEEDEE—No deal, Buck!Bill, arms crossed, glared at them.
Psh. Of course, it’s no deal. Easy twenty bucks for Pete. Cleanest—
HEY! I bathe, jackass!Pete shot back. Josh, awkwardly munching on a burger he’d built from fries and onion rings, declared,
She’s comin’, alright? Just makin’ herself look good for me. You wouldn’t get it, Bill. When have you ever waited on a girl getting pretty for you?